


Missed Connections

by ViciousRhythm



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Percy is a disaster always i know this to be true, but hopefully cute!, listen this is kinda dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:56:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9115993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViciousRhythm/pseuds/ViciousRhythm
Summary: Perc'ahlia modern au based on the craigslist ad in which a disaster of a man reaches out to an indestructible girl





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully y'all know [the post](https://pics.onsizzle.com/reply-posted-a-day-ago-prohibited-tr-girl-that-got-2911950.png) this is based on, otherwise, I hope you enjoy ridiculousness

Perhaps it’s because he’s drunk, or perhaps it’s because the few friends he’s managed to cobble together all have _someone_ while Percy continues to be very blatantly alone, but whatever the reason, he finds himself one night writing a post in the Missed Connections section of craigslist.

 _Gilr that got hit by a car in front of Gilmore’s last night,_ he starts typing in the subject line, and has to go back and correct his spelling on the very first word because that is apparently where he’s at tonight. He goes on anyway, taking a steadying swig from the bottle of Dire Heart on his desk.

 _I was outside smoking_.

And Percy was, in a sense. He quit smoking years ago, but every so often, the itch comes back. Most times he doesn’t actually reach for a cigarette, and in this case, the bracing winter air had been enough to clear his head without the additional hit of nicotine. Percy had to leave the bar though, because he can only be so happy for Cassandra when she’s decided she’s seeing a boy so beneath her. She _is_ happy, so Percy is happy for her, but Kynan seems so...less. He’s probably judging too harshly because Cassandra is his sister. Either way, he’d needed the moment outside to collect himself and keep from saying something he’d regret later. There’s only so much of everyone else’s fulfilling happiness he can take - Keyleth’s engagement, Cassandra’s new boyfriend, Pike helping her friend reunite with his long lost daughter - before Percy circles around to bitterly reminding himself that he goes home to his empty apartment every night. And it always feels petty to be lonely surrounded by so much happiness, but Percy is very aware of his own humanity and failings. So he’d left to smoke outside.

 _You were crossing the street and got hit by a car_.

He’d nearly had a heart attack when the car crossing the street hadn’t stopped in time to avoid hitting a woman just leaving the sidewalk. She’d been walking backward, talking animatedly to a man who, even at this distance, looked so similar he had to be her brother if not twin. The car wasn’t going terribly fast, leaving the parking lot behind Gilmore’s. Still, Percy had never been witness to a car accident and his heart leapt into his throat at the sight of the car colliding with the oblivious woman.

_You bounced off the hood and landed on your feet yelling something about being indestructible._

It was the most astonishing thing. The car couldn’t have been going more than twenty miles per hour, colliding solidly but not catastrophically. The woman took the hit gracefully, eyes going wide enough Percy could see it from where he stood, one foot forward to rush to help if he could. But rather than fall or scream or do anything that Percy would expect a woman to do when hit by a moving vehicle, she rolled with it. ‘Bounced’ is maybe not the correct term, actually. In a very Dukes of Hazzard move, she’d tucked her arm in and rolled across the hood diagonally, popping up on the other side as the car sped off.

Percy is not particularly knowledgeable on women’s shoes, all things considered, but he does know enough to know it takes skill to land on one’s feet in heels. She’d managed it anyway, yelling after the car. The words are indistinct in his memory, as Percy was more focused on boggling at the apparently fearless woman. He remembers ‘indestructible’ though, because it was the term that made a laugh catch in his throat.

_The other night I almost got trapped in a dumpster because I was going after a circuit board I thought I wanted to take home with me._

Percy writes it because he thinks it might make her laugh. To be fair, he knows nothing about this woman aside from the fact that she can walk off a car accident with a shout and a brandished middle finger. Still, Percy thinks they might be complimentary disasters, though that could be the alcohol talking. Either way, he’s in this far, so he may as well make his case. Whatever that is. It’s starting to get fuzzy the longer Percy sits in the dark in front of his computer screen, getting slowly more drunk and babbling to some stranger who was admittedly lovely and undaunted in the face of vehicular interruption.

_I’ve also recently slept on my kitchen floor._

He tacks that on because it’s true, and for really no other reason. Percy is also fairly certain it gets across the idea that he’d really like someone in his life without outright saying he’s lonely. He’s not quite _that_ drunk yet, he still has a scrap of pride. Somewhere. Besides, the sleeping on the kitchen floor incident was a result of having been too exhausted to go back to his room. It had nothing to do with said room being empty. But then, maybe it did, and Percy just doesn’t want to let himself think it that frankly.

_I think we’d be a good fit for each other._

Maybe they wouldn’t be. Maybe they would be precisely the kind of tragedies that would only make each other worse. Maybe she doesn’t even like men. Maybe no one goes on craigslist seriously anymore anyway, so what’s the point in worrying about whether he’s making a fool of himself? Percy comforts himself in the thought that nobody will read his pitiful little ad and keeps writing.

_Move in with me? Let’s get married?_

Might as well finish on a dramatic note while he’s at it, Percy thinks, tipping his head back and polishing off his Dire Heart. The publishing process is a pain in the ass, honestly. Percy hasn’t posted anything on craigslist in an age, let alone posted a personal ad. He doesn’t remember it being this difficult, but he goes through the confirmation email and whatnot before stumbling to his bed. It’s fortunately only a few steps away.

Still dressed fully, he doesn’t bother to do much more than lazily drag his boots off. There’s a particular lassitude to all his motions, now that he’s downed an entire bottle by himself throughout the evening (and night, and technically early morning now). Percy doesn’t so much get under the covers of his bed as he does shift and roll until he manages to get the blankets somewhat covering his body. It’ll do.

When he wakes up, Percy is too preoccupied falling and then getting introduced to his massive headache to remember his online escapades. His phone chimes with a notification some time later, when Percy’s gotten around to cleaning himself up and scrounging up something to eat. He reads the text from Cassandra asking whether he’ll be busy tomorrow afternoon while absently finishing off a (technically mixing) bowl of cereal.

There are a couple of notifications from his email as well, and that is when he recalls not just thinking about the girl from Gilmore’s, but actually following through on posting an ad for her. Two of the responses are bots, Percy can tell right away just from the subject lines. Another is someone expressing their opinion on how hilarious his post is, which is slightly degrading. And then there is a last email, sent around an hour ago with the subject line “To: Smoking From: Indestructible”. The body is short, simple, and to the point.

_I’m not big on marriage without dinner first, but maybe we can start with coffee? I was a little preoccupied with the car, but your hair makes you hard to miss, and if memory serves, you’re cute enough to warrant coffee._

_-Vex_

Percy unthinkingly runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it up in the back like Keyleth constantly tells him he does. It makes him look like a startled bird, according to her. With no one around to see it, Percy doesn’t bother trying to tame his hair, instead focusing on composing a reply email.

_I might have been a bit forward with the proposal, but it was in an effort to match your bravery. Which you have outdone me on again, I’m afraid. Not many would dare to suggest having coffee with a perfect stranger based on a poorly constructed personal ad. I would of course accept, but I understand if you’ve thought better of it._

_-Percival_

The notification chimes while he’s doing dishes, less than half an hour after sending off his reply, and Percy nearly slips on soapy water on the tile in his haste to get to his phone.

_I’m indestructible, remember? And I know a place where the baristas know me and will definitely come to my aide if you turn out to be a serial killer. Are you free tomorrow afternoon? Around two?_

Percy debates with himself for a moment. Cassandra hadn’t actually mentioned what she wanted him for tomorrow, but he’s not such a terrible sibling as to blow off his sister for a girl online. Assuming he’ll be busy, he replies with a suggestion for earlier in the day if she can make it. The reply comes within minutes.

 _It’s a date_.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Missed Connections [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9625289) by [blackglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackglass/pseuds/blackglass)




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